sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
