just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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