you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
