i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
