Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
