so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
