You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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