I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
