Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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