I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
