I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
