Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
