To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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