If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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