I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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