Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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