please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
