I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
