What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
