lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
