i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
