I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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