An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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