smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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