I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
