Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
