Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a search helicopter?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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