We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
