oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
