Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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