she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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