Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
