I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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