the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drake has all the answers
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
