Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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