Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
