That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
