K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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