my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
