I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
