Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
