I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
