Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
