he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want to make out with him forever
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
