i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
