My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
