I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
