So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
