Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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