At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
