i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
