Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
