Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
