You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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