I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
