Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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